| Dinner time fuels families. It nourishes relationships | | | | so some parents may be a little crafty in their |
| and creates the context and venue for some of life's | | | | approach. Marc from Boulder, CO offers his |
| lessons to be shared. Most parents and families value | | | | round-about way of enticing his son: |
| dinner time, and even when it's difficult with busy | | | | "The only way to get my teen boy to talk is to bring |
| schedules, most people try to find the time to eat | | | | it back to sports. Rather than ask him a question that |
| together. | | | | he will ignore, I will engage in a controversial sports |
| Getting your family to the table is one issue, getting | | | | topic with his younger brother. My teen will invariably |
| teens to talk is another. I asked parents of teens to | | | | put his "expert opinion" into the foray since it is on |
| share your tips and strategies about how you | | | | record that he is always right! From there, I just sit |
| engage your teenagers in dinner-table talk, and we | | | | back and let them go at it. Although difficult to |
| have some great tips to share. I offered a free | | | | predict where it will go from there, at least I got him |
| cookbook for the winning tip, so let's begin there. | | | | engaged!" |
| Tami from Massachusetts said: | | | | One busy Mom whose husband is in the military |
| "One of the family rituals we have used in our home | | | | sometimes packs up all 6 kids and heads over to |
| at dinner time is a game called "High, Low and Wish." | | | | Daddy's office, they so value their dinner time |
| We go around the table and talk about the High point | | | | together: |
| of the day, low point of the day and what they wish | | | | "We have 6 kids and so the conversations get crazy, |
| for. I usually have to be the first one to go but it has | | | | LOL but they are truly my favorite moments of |
| amazed me over the years what has come out. | | | | being a mom, sitting around the table with our kids |
| There was a time when my younger son mentioned | | | | listening to their crazy stories about their days, |
| that something my husband said in the morning was | | | | laughing and remembering things. I think with teens |
| his low point of the day. Both my husband and I | | | | you MUST always keep the lines of communication |
| were shocked how something he thought was minor | | | | open, they must trust you, even though you may |
| really bothered my son. It led to a great conversation | | | | not and probably will not always agree with their |
| and the opportunity to resolve this issue." | | | | choices, they need to know they have someone on |
| The concept she names as "high, low and wish" was | | | | their side that can just listen." |
| mentioned by many parents in my survey, some | | | | Another mom encourages talk by focusing on being a |
| with variations on that theme. Some ask each person | | | | good listener: |
| to name one good thing that happened during the | | | | "I have a 16 year old girl so I ask her about what |
| day, one bad thing and one funny thing. This game is | | | | gossip is going around school. Whatever she says I |
| not only valuable as a conversation starter, it | | | | pay attention to it and ask if anything new has |
| encourages kids to be reflective, a helpful skill to | | | | happened with the person she mentioned the day |
| nurture as their lives become more complex. This | | | | before. That way she realizes I was listening and |
| game demonstrates to kids that they are respected, | | | | feels good about telling me things. It's amazing what |
| and their opinions and experiences are valued in the | | | | you can learn if you just listen." |
| family. It creates an opportunity to acknowledge | | | | Here's a cool idea if you tire of the "high/low" game: |
| your teen's feelings, and provide gentle reassurance | | | | "We do this once a week or so. We go to our file |
| that they matter. Parents who model good listening | | | | cards of questions. I began writing these, but they |
| skills teach a vital lesson, and it's a powerful way to | | | | have been added to by my son and husband. It's a |
| show each child how important they are. | | | | round-robin game - everyone responds to the |
| Dinner table talk can direct and fire up kids' interests | | | | question; we then pick another card and start with |
| in certain topics: | | | | someone else. Some of the questions have included: |
| "My husband grew up talking politics at the dinner | | | | Who is the person you most admire - and why? |
| table and so we do quite a bit of that as well. It has | | | | What animal best reflects your personality - and |
| turned my 16 year old daughter into quite the little | | | | why? Where on earth would you most like to live? |
| spitfire. She debates her friends at school on their | | | | visit? If you could change one aspect about your |
| opinions and stops them dead in their tracks because | | | | character, what would it be?" |
| she is more educated in that area. She has decided | | | | The themes that run through all the answers we |
| she wants to study politics in college, so our dinner | | | | received are |
| time talks have really steered her someplace! | | | | - Make dinner time a priority, |
| This can be a time to focus kind attention to family | | | | - Show your kids how much you love and respect |
| members. Theresa F. says: | | | | them by encouraging their talk and listening to them |
| "We do a "say one good thing about one person at | | | | closely, |
| this table" and everyone picks a person to say | | | | - Include your teens in cooking and setting the table; |
| something good about. This one is great since the | | | | this provides more opportunity for easy |
| kids so seldom compliment their siblings and it's funny | | | | conversation, |
| to see them rack their brains to come up with a | | | | - Develop traditions and rituals around your dinner |
| good thing about Mom or Dad or their annoying little | | | | time. |
| brother. We then do a "say one good thing about | | | | Tami, our cookbook winner shares more about her |
| yourself." This one is fun too as we can find out | | | | rituals: |
| what the kids think is a good quality about | | | | ".. we light candles every night when we sit down. |
| themselves. I think it is also a bit of a self esteem | | | | We have simple tea lights during the week and save |
| builder and creates a bit of introspection on the part | | | | the longer candles for special holidays. I believe it |
| of my very extroverted children. We have 5 kids | | | | creates a more relaxed and special mood. My older |
| ages 18 - 9, so with all 7 of us involved we've had | | | | sons joke that it's like thanksgiving every night but |
| some rolling good times at the table with these." | | | | that's okay because it is the most special time of the |
| Some teens are more difficult to engage than others, | | | | day! |